Recalling the topic of the evening sermon she yelled, “STOP! Acts 2:38! (Paraphrasing this verse “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit”).

The burglar froze in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him into custody, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was to yell a scripture verse at you.”

“Scripture?” replied the burglar. I thought that she said she had an ax and two .38′s!”

Updated: 11:45 p.m. CT Feb 7, 2007

WELLINGTON, New Zealand – Man bites dog; dog bites back. An Alsatian police dog named Edge cornered two suspects on a cliff side after a grocery store robbery in Napier, police said Thursday.

One of the suspects leapt down the slope and landed almost directly into the hands of police officers waiting at the bottom. The other suspect, who was armed with a knife, took on Edge and bit the dog in the struggle.

“He bit the dog first,” Detective Sergeant John McGregor told The Associated Press. Edge was unfazed, sinking his teeth into his attacker.

“The dog did win the fight, the offender ended up with one or two lacerations,” McGregor said. “I think he knew he was going to get bitten, so he bit the dog first.”

Two men were arrested and appeared in Napier District Court Wednesday, charged with aggravated robbery for the attack on the grocery store on Tuesday, during which the owner was stabbed. They were ordered to remain in police custody until Feb. 21.

Edge underwent emergency surgery last June after an offender stabbed him in the chest with a hunting knife. After surgery and a blood transfusion, the dog made a complete recovery.

OMAHA, Neb.Two things made Christopher Willever’s drunken burglary of a Tobacco Hut even worse as he crawled across the store floor, a lousy belt and his camera-loving backside.

Omaha’s bare-bottom bandit was sentenced to three to five years in prison Friday for his March crime that earned him the fitting distinction. “You were an ass in every true sense of the word in this crime,” Douglas County District Judge Thomas Otepka told the 22 year old Willever.

Tired of being poor, Willever drank a fifth of rum and decided to rob the store, said his public defender, Kelly Steenbock. He was drunk enough not to realize that his pants had fallen down, exposing his bottom to cameras that eventually fed the surveillance to TV shows across the country. “He was pretty humiliated and embarrassed,” Steenbock said.
“He showed his bottom to whoever turned on the TV.”

Steenbock pleaded with the judge to sympathize with Willever’s youth, no prior felony charges and participation in an alcohol treatment program. Otepka said Willever was an adult who is still supported by his mother and does not have a high school diploma. He also said Willever denied encounters with out-of-state authorities until presented with the cases.

Willever was arrested again later in the year for receiving stolen property from another burglary while still facing charges in the bottom-baring case. Willever could be eligible for parole after 18 months; he must also pay $1,100 in restitution to the store.

A mid November botched kidnapping In Wichita Kansas, ended with one of the assailants shooting himself in the groin. The man in question had just stuck his gun back into his waistband when it accidentally fired, shooting him in the left testicle. He cringed (no surprise there), causing his gun to fire again striking him in the left leg. When the shooting barrage ended, the 23-year-old injured man still managed to walk into a nearby hospital and requested treatment.

Instead of treatment, the injured individual and his two accomplices, ages 18 and 20, were arrested for aggravated attempted kidnapping and conspiracy to obstruct justice. The men were attempting to kidnap a teen over a dispute about stereo speakers, police said.

[Editor's Note: In this case, the gene pool is much better off at the lowered possibility for procreation! If this guy could buy or steal a gun, why couldn't he get a holster to match?]